“Since Trump [was elected], I’ve learned a lot about her,” she says.
Monique has discovered how outspoken her partner can be about politics and how much she cares to enact change in the world.
“A real wake-up call for me was when my dad joked, when I was nervous about coming out to my great-aunt, that she would have less of a problem with [my girlfriend] being a woman and more of a problem with her being ‘a hispanic.’ I was so busy worrying about homophobia that I totally forgot about racism.” from Latin America, and recent topics have been hitting close to home,” she says.
“I get more heated about politics than she does, but we both [try to] keep each other updated without getting too deep into it because it will just upset us.
I didn’t have to specify that I wasn’t angry at all white people.
She knew that I was frustrated with a system that awards privilege based on something as arbitrary as skin color. There was space to vent without having to reassure someone through their guilt or discomfort.
I also want someone who won’t fetishize me, someone who sees me accurately and not through their misconceptions about blackness or race.
“If you feel strongly that their view is wrong though, you should find someone who has the same views you do.”Of course, sharing the same political beliefs doesn’t guarantee that things will be easy.By comparison, when I dated a black woman shortly after, she could better empathize with my stories, because they were hers too.I wasn’t required to clarify that when I said white people shouldn’t use slurs, I wasn’t implying something hostile about her behavior.“We’ve moved forward just by discussing and sometimes arguing but trying to maintain respect.Sometimes we won’t agree but we’ll let it go.”She observes the intrinsic merit of having a person in her life with different beliefs but also recognizes that her relationship dynamic may not work for everyone.