10 biggest dating mistakes
Let things evolve a bit, as you get to know someone. Avoidance of intimacy: While this one is traditionally men’s domain, women are quickly catching up in the fear of commitment zone.Patience and restraint are required here, even though you may feel pressed for time. Modern society imposes so many requirements and expectations on what makes for a “good catch,” and that makes it hard to sort through whether someone would be a good choice for us.If you have baggage, then best to work it out in individual therapy before pursuing a new relationship, at least to a point where it isn’t affecting your reactions and clouding your judgment. Fantasizing about the future: While men are typically (not always) the masters of game playing, women have this one down pat.When you catch yourself trying on his last name before the third date, it’s time to remind yourself to slow down.The worry may be a general habit, but now it is turned on the subject of the relationship: worry about what the other person said, worry about what they meant by it, worry about how you reacted, worry about the relationship not working out, worry about what if it does work out, how will your parents react…on and on.Being anxious is a mood killer, and will not make you attractive to a potential mate. Try to tap into your self-confidence and trust that if the relationship is meant to work out, it will. Ignoring red flags: If someone doesn’t show up when you’re supposed to meet, that’s a red flag.
You want to show interest by asking about their likes or dislikes, but not press someone for information.If fear of commitment is an obstacle, better to work out your patterns (or schemas) in therapy than in your relationships. If you do it, then you need to pace yourself, and be more considerate of the other person, who you are probably leading on. Not being honest about your needs: Pretending everything is OK can work for only so long.If you fall for those who do it, then you need to slow things down and not get taken for a ride (or pursue a different type! Assertiveness is a golden skill for those who are ready for a mature relationship.Relationship coaching or couples therapy can help you learn how to better manage problematic issues so that they are no longer impinging on the health and happiness of your relationship.While most mental health professionals don’t consider themselves to be “dating therapists” or offer special dating counseling, it is often helpful to apply the best practices of cognitive therapy to improve all aspects of dating, from date selection process, to the process of forming a healthy positive relationship, preferably one that meets the needs of both parties and therefore becomes a long-term relationship.